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Sunday, November 10th, 2002
8:38 pm - Daddy's Back!
So, the old guy's back. And he's got a score to settle with an old toot who ran off with his loins'.

"Bleaching 'em", my ass. You paraded 'round Isenguard with 'em hangin' off your member, ya little turd! Hell, have some pity on the Urukhai, willl ya? An ass THAT wrinkled belongs in the Mirkwood Sausage pepperoni bin, not under a loin', see!

So, spendin' the days churning butter and stuffing mounds of Polish sausages with Thrands, I see Ol' Oropher's behind on the gossip! What's this craze sweepin' the place? Somethin' bout naughty carrots?

(slaps Mayor's back)

Gettin' creative with that newage cattle manure, hey little guy?

current mood: happy

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Thursday, May 16th, 2002
7:56 pm - What The...?
Yes'sir. My family's a true piece of work, see. I notice that my derranged grandson has turned evil.

Now normally, a family member choosing the side of darkness would piss an old guy right off. But I've been doin' some research. Hell, this could have A LOT of advantages.

Hey Legsy! See if you can get gramps a discount at Mordor Pizza Express, will ya? Thrands shut the deli down early, and I'm starvin'!

current mood: hungry

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Sunday, April 28th, 2002
5:06 am - Listen Up
I'm makin' an appeal to the Valar to create a clause stating that ALL male Elves wear loins'.

C'mon now, folks. EVERYBODY should embrace the life of the loin', see. Practical as heck, and saves a ton on utilities. With a fanatic son and vain grandkid, take it from the old guy, EVERY little bit counts. Coulda bought Taiwan with their water bills, hell!

Ungoliant, hot mamma, how's about it? I don't know much about your powers, but ya sure seem like one who'd appreciate an army of loins'! (grin grin)

current mood: determined

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Monday, April 15th, 2002
8:17 am - Hell!
Will ya look at that? My unclean grandson is holding a search for a mate! Legoly, why am I the last to know anything around these here parts?! And poor ol' gramps didn't even get a mention in your info slate! (glare)

If ya ask me, I vote for this little lady. (nudge nudge) I tell ya, I haven't seen a backside like that in all of Greenwood, my boy!

Now you keep me posted, you hear? Heck, I'll be happy to provide custom loins' for the whole damn wedding party. Us men o' Mirkwood get hitched in STYLE, see!

current mood: giddy

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Sunday, April 14th, 2002
10:38 am - Money Makin' Machine!
Well now, the old wheels have been turnin'! Grandpa Greenwood's decided to open a butter factory to help set off the family sausage business. Callin' it "I Cannd Believe It'z Not Budder".

So whatcha think, boys? Real shame they wouldn't let me wear the loin' for the ads. Would sell twice more tubs, I KNOW it!

If ya got some lobsters that need bastin', I'm your gent!




Love the tux, ladies! Love the tux!

current mood: busy

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Friday, April 12th, 2002
9:32 am - Pesky Boys
Alrighty! I finally found where my boys were hiding. Heck, I was running around looking for 'em like a headless chicken, when they were right under old Orophy's nose! They were in New York running a sausage plant, I tell ya! Would ya believe that?

Bless my boys for having the indecency to slap their own faces on the deli flyers! Ye old Mirkwood ego stills lives on, I see!

[(slap on the backs) I should have known. Sausages, eh boys? We know all about sausages in OUR happy family, don't we?]

So, how's about a nice salami-special for the old guy? Oh, and Thrandy! Make sure it's sliced this time. Remember what happened the last time you fixed me up a sandwich? You were so used to the servants doing everything, you didn't know any better and threw the whole slab between two slices o' Lembas! Almost choked on the damn thing, I swear it!

I'll be right on over. And I'm bringin' matching loins' for everyone!

current mood: impressed

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Sunday, April 7th, 2002
8:55 pm - Daddy's Home
Ok. Where in heck are my boys, hmm? I came here to smack my prissy son's ass, and to find some lassies with my sleazy grandson.

So where's the damn welcome wagon?!

Don't get me wrong, I'm PROUD of my boys. My son took on over my kingdom like it was second nature. And my grandson, well, I tell ya, those wild hormonal genes are NO coincidence! (wink wink)

Ol' Oropher once ruled Mirkwood, see. Until the regime got my order for STRONG WARRIORS mixed up with WEAK TURNIPS. I could waste time complaining 'bout being dead, but what'll that accomplish? Dead, shmead. I'm still hot as hell and ladies know it!

Thrandy! Look at yer old man! And I ain't gonna tell ya 'bout the wonders under that loincloth, either!



Leggy, whorish genepool o' mine, make me proud and show your grandpaps some of the more crude spots around these parts! I've got pecks o' steel and I wanna FLAUNT 'EM!

Peeks under the loincloth for any fair ladies in the area!

current mood: mischievous

(40 comments | comment on this)


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