So where's the damn welcome wagon?!
Don't get me wrong, I'm PROUD of my boys. My son took on over my kingdom like it was second nature. And my grandson, well, I tell ya, those wild hormonal genes are NO coincidence! (wink wink)
Ol' Oropher once ruled Mirkwood, see. Until the regime got my order for STRONG WARRIORS mixed up with WEAK TURNIPS. I could waste time complaining 'bout being dead, but what'll that accomplish? Dead, shmead. I'm still hot as hell and ladies know it!
Thrandy! Look at yer old man! And I ain't gonna tell ya 'bout the wonders under that loincloth, either!
Leggy, whorish genepool o' mine, make me proud and show your grandpaps some of the more crude spots around these parts! I've got pecks o' steel and I wanna FLAUNT 'EM!
Peeks under the loincloth for any fair ladies in the area!